and a picture...

so, with all of these "thoughts" i figured a good picture would be nice to lighten the mood. this was at lana's going away gathering. some of us gals and a few of lana's friends.

musings....

so, after reading and RE-reading and praying..i couldnt shake that article "a new perspective" out of my mind. Last night we had our sister's monthly gathering. it was SOOOO good. it basically ended up with us younger sisters talking candidly and asking questions to the older sisters about how to go through various tests and struggles. sis. hodges, sis. mildred, and sis. ella just really blessed us with their words of wisdom. well, one of the questions was about letting go of things so that god could work. sis. hodges stated that sometimes we tie god's hands b/c we hold on to things and he wants us to let go so that he can work. we can really hold god to his promises when we let go of somethings. stop trying to work it out, figure it out, gettting the wrong attitude towards it. she mentioned the scripture jeremiah 5:25 and how sometimes she'd have a surprise for her children but b/c of their attitude she'd withhold it from them. and that's how god works as well. anyway, it was such a blessing. so, tonight i was once again RE-reading the article "a new perspective" and thinking about letting go of one particularly desire that i've had for a long time. but in a way i feel if i let it go im saying i dont want it anymore. even last night sis. hodges talked about we have to let some things go that seem so dear to us. so much a part of us. in order for god to work.i dunno... i feel like that's what i need to do. let it go, and wait on God. it just seems like such a big thing to let go of, b/c after all i do sooo much desire it. maybe god views it that it's not that she doesn't want it anymore, but she's willing to place it in my hand for me to work it out. instead of her trying to figure it out...struggling with it...wrestling with it. maybe that's the "letting go" he requires???


in other news, today was a very nice, beautiful, fall day. and sunday school was such a blessing. i co-teach the teen girls class with another sister. earlier in the year we were struggling with being a blessing to our girls. every few years i guess you get a new group and have to "learn" them. i have to admit i felt like giving up more than once. even went to pastor about it. but god has totally blessed. and it's not just them. but he's blessed me to truly learn them. our classes the last few sundays have been awesome. has anyone gotten saved? not yet. are we unearthing deep bible mysteries. nope. but i think the girls enjoy coming more so. i feel them listening more so. there's even an excitement in the air of just being together. it's just been a blessing. continue to pray for our class. thanks to the henderson gals for baking and bringing cookies for us this morning! they were soooo good. :)

continue to pray for me. god has really blessed me spiritually these last few weeks. i do feel like a new person. the devil is still the devil and the old me doesnt want to completely die. but i do see a change in my thoughts. things that would usually bother me have not been an issue. im so thankful for that. i feel like i've gotten the victory. now, i must maintain it. drive it in, so that it sticks. as p.jones has stated completely "cut off the head." this blog has really helped...i like to write. and sometimes my "figuring things out" or talking to Him comes through the form of just writing until i find the answer. luv!

YLCF Article - "A New Perspective"

i just read an awesome devotional from one of my favorite blogs. it's the "Young Ladies Christian Fellowship" blog. Anyway one of the articles was such a blessing. Isn't it amazing how God starts showing us things personally, and then later on uses people, His word, and other testimonies just to confirm or reaffirm what he's said? The particular devotional is called "A New Perspective". (The link is at the bottom.)I truly invite you to take a look at it and the whole site. My thoughts from the article:

God IS going to bless. Even if in HIS time. so, why become agitated with it all. He IS going to bless.


NOTE: You have to scroll up to view the full article.
Young Ladies Christian Fellowship: A New Perspective

But, Rejoice....Part 4

so, i am still on my "journey" to spiritual victory. this weekend, the devil really attacked. when i woke up this morning it was like i was battling those same feelings of anxiety, fear, and just mind battles from the devil. the biggest thing was that i was upset with myself for seeimingly having returned to those things that i want the victory in so bad. i want to be able to stay happy and free. i want to be able to cast off thoughts from the devil without thinking about it. to rejoice evermore. but it seems like, i keep letting situations get me down and out. and then EVERYTHING else comes back too. anyway, i fought it out. i had an extra long devotion before coming to church. i was just like i WANT to enjoy the services today. i WANT to arrive at church with a heart and mind of praise and joy.

once again, the message today really hit home. we just started our revival with p.lloyd and his message today was on "rending your hearts". taking my ugly, decietful heart that gets me off all the time, humbling myself and taking on the heart of God. i was talking to some of the sisters after church and it was like i took his message to mean, (ONCE AGAIN) letting go of all those things I THOUGHT were important to hang onto. all of my worries, all of my "justified" hurts, all of my anxieties, and replacing them with "how does God want me to feel about this?". and then making myself feel that way. that's the hard part. b/c right now it feels unnatural. to make yourself rejoice. b/c i know/we know exactly how God wants us to handle it. but that route sometimes isn't the easiest or most logical. that route goes against everything we humans think "make sense." but i have to. my victory is in that. i really feel like even if every morning i have to go through an hour devotion to renew my mind; one day it's going to come natural to me to just think that way. that's my victory. one week, i'll think like that all week. one month i'll think like that all month. THAT'S my victory. and it's not saying that that day, week, month, i wont have any problems, but God will have taught me how to handle them His way. how to rejoice in them His way. Cast my cares upon him, and leave them there. Really and truly know God in the way he wants me to: He takes care of my troubles I don't have too. He knows what is best, I can just rest completely in him.

it's amazing. the last few weeks/couple of months have been soul searching. initially it was because i wanted a natural blessing. but God has let me know that for right now my blessing/victory is all spiritual. through it all He's been teaching me step by step how to conquer this thing once and for all. i've tried so many times before, but when the next test came i'd realized i was still holding on to me. still not taking the attitude i needed. so far,God's shown me to 1) take no thought for my life, 2) seek him (through an intense devotion/alone time/fasting), 3) in seeking him, humble myself, and now 4) rend your heart in this area.


please pray for me. my hope is to be able to record what i'm going through so that i can look back and see the steps to victory. i just want this settled once and for all. one day the title will read..But, Rejoice..VICTORY.

But, Rejoice...Part 3

so, the euphoria of Sunday has worn off. what? you say. you're not holding to what you said earlier. oh, i am. i still believe that God is working on me. and i thank god that he's shown me those areas i need help in. and by the grace of god i mean (and am) measuring up in them. but with all revelations that come from god there are spirits who want to oppose my growing deeper in the things of God. things that want to hold on to my feelings and my hurts. b/c we all agree that our hurts and feelings feel valid. on my way to work, i was grappling with this. i've been reading the book "bible humility" by j.w. byers. and in reading it, it reaffirmed so much of sundays service. i quote, "but, what is to be made low and trampled upon and placed under the mighty hand of God is our individual soul, life, including body and all (and i add, feelings)." but, then to humble oneself and still try to hang onto oneself. it doesn't work. one or the other has to go. and so on my drive in, i grappled with which one. do i let these things linger on, or do i just submit them and do what i need to do for MY soul? i came to the conclusion that i just have to STOP. stop thinking, stop trying to figure it out, or reason it out. stop trying to justify. and just do what i have to do. no one else. do your part. then, i got to work and this devotional was waiting for me (i've only included a portion of it). i think it answered my question. It's taken from Crosswalk.com's "Girlfriends in God" and written by Mary Southerland.


Look for God in circumstances.

God is constantly at work in our lives preparing us to do what He created us to do. A.B. Simpson says: "God is preparing His heroes. And when the opportunity comes, He can fit them into their place in a moment. And the world will wonder where they came from." When we understand that God integrates every circumstance to accomplish His will, it is easy to trust Him. Even when we do not understand, even when we can't explain it, even when it doesn't make sense or seems wrong, we can choose to trust Him. It is easy to trust Him when the seas are calm and the skies are clear! But the strength of our faith is measured in the midst of a storm!

A crisis always reveals what is really inside! Letting go means that we trust God enough to obey Him. Trust is demonstrated by obedience. What I do reveals what I believe about God, regardless of what I say! God will not waste direction on a disobedient heart. The more we obey the more we will trust. The more we trust, the more we will obey. God reveals His plans to an obedient heart. When we trust God enough to let go, we will find that He is Lord of our circumstances.

2. Look for God in people.

Proverbs 27: 17 "As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other". In this verse, "each other" literally means: companion or friend; neighbor or associate. In other words, God uses every relationship to improve us and to accomplish His will for our lives. People come into our lives for eternal reasons. Relationships are mirrors! In them, we see reflections of ourselves! Relationships expose the weaknesses we try so hard to bury! Relationships teach us important lessons like forgiveness, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control. Many times, God builds His qualities in us by allowing certain people to come into our lives. He calls it "Iron sharpening iron".

If we need to learn patience, He brings irritating people into our lives. If we need to learn to love, He will bring the unlovable! God takes those people we call "difficult" and uses them as pruning tools, tools of molding and refining. If we fail to learn from one, He will send another! Even if we do learn from one, He will send another to teach us a different lesson.

Relationships are compasses. Proverbs 15:22 "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." (NIV) God brings all kinds of people into our lives to teach us, encourage us and guide us.

And then later on in the devotional it states,

Strength that comes through pain can be gained no other way. His presence always changes everything.


1 Kings 18:37 "LORD, answer my prayer so these people will know that you, LORD, are God and that you will change their minds." (NCV)

What we call "dis-appointment" is really "His appointment". While God uses our mistakes as a test, He does not waste a single experience. There are no "scraps" of life to be thrown away!

continue to pray for me. i want to continue to rejoice with where i am right now. i think the main part of it is completely trusting God and letting him use everything around me to mold me into what he wants me to be