so, nothing with the car yet. but i can rejoice still. b/c i havent really been thinking about it. which for me is such an improvement. normally, i would be worrying and getting discouraged. but im like right now i cant do anything about it and one of the benefits of knowing God is that when we have everyday trials we can just turn it over to him. so, truly that's what im practicing.
service this morning was amazing. i won't go into detail. but, i will say that it's good to be in the COG. and it's good to know that God is faithful that when we think we need a natural blessing what we really need is to learn what he wants us to get out of the test. god has been showing me so much of me these past few weeks. i've been so wrapped up in hurts and disappointments that i couldn't really experience him the way he wanted. (experience in truly being able to give him my burdens, have faith in him, and love life.) it's like i saw what he wanted me to do and the growth he desired, but of my own strength couldn't get there. and today in being able to talk to different ones and let go of the past, see my own faults in dealing with people. see how my own actions may have been the root of the pain i felt other's were causing, i can see God's hand in all of this. so it wasn't really them, it wasnt my situation, it wasnt God denying me of my requests, but he showed how my own actions had caused my own grief. it was amazing. i know chastening isn't pleasant, but it is when you finally "get it". when you finally realize that if i just do this one thing, other things will fall into place. im looking for god to continue to bless me spirtually. my desire is to be a totally different individual in God. i'm rejoicing. not b/c i got anything naturally speaking. but, i feel like spiritually im getting to the place God wants me to be. where he's probably been trying to push and prod me to for the past several years. but i just wasn't getting it. pray for me. im still striving for the goal. and then after all of today at church, after all of the self-examination; i came home, opened my bible and fell on these words from God:
"Finally be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise BLESSING: knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: let him eschew evil, and do good: let him seek peace, and ensue it." ~1 Peter 3:8-11
now, to me that just seals the whole day.
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I have come to the conclusion that a whole lot of life's difficulties that we go through have a "purpose". They show us what else we need to "die to" in ourselves. As we let go of who we are, and take hold of Who God is, we can better show Him to the souls we desire to influence AND we are also blessed with a greater joy and peace and strength because of what we have become.
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